Dear Bob,

Depression is clinical, treatable, and manageable. I know; I write about mental health issues frequently. I also know if you seek help, you can find relief. So go talk to a professional, and if needed, let a loved one help you find one or get there. OK, done with the business; now, on to friendship.

I talked to someone for a long time when I found myself struggling with something. I have to be honest with you: I hated the process and fought her tooth-and-nail whenever she offered even the most sound advice. It wasn’t easy for me to open up, to be vulnerable, or to trust her — although she was a priest!

Love expects more than you are but not more than you can do.

I loved her, though. I felt comfortable enough to be myself with her, which was sometimes unattractive, but like a mother, she loved me anyway. It may not always look pretty or feel right; you may not always feel proud; but that doesn’t mean it won’t help you. Love expects more than you are but not more than you can do.

Let me share with you one of the most valuable things my mentor shared with me. It’s simple, really. She said, be a friend to yourself. It works like this. When you say, — God, I’m such a worthless piece of shit, answer yourself, as a friend would — No, you’re not; you’re a wonderful person; now quit being an idiot!

I do this all the time. For example, if I encounter back luck, I tell myself, — Is it really? Who knows? It could be the best thing that’s ever happened to you. Give it time, then you’ll know. If I feel lonely, I tell myself, — This is your time; make the most of it; you’ll have more to offer someone, later. You get the idea.

OK, so technically you’re talking to yourself, but no one has to know! If you tell them, they’ll think you’re crazy … I don’t think for a moment that this will solve whatever problem you have. I merely hope, if you try it, it helps you now and again. You sound like someone who knows how to be a good friend. I think you’ll do fine.

I wish I had some thoughtful and eloquent way to conclude this letter, but I’m exhausted. I have spent all evening bailing out my apartment. Every room got flooded, even the closets. I feel inexplicably happy, though. I tried to explain this to my friend earlier. For some reason, I consider it a good omen. Water has always been my friend.

Sincerely,

David